Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
