I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
