Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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