Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
