You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
