Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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