i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you had me at cake vodka
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
