Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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