the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
