Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
