If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
