Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize