I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize