i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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