My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize