she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
birth control should be required to get into college
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize