I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
