Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
