I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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