I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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