Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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