he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
