i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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