Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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