Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
