Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
