I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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