I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
