Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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