Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
