Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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