I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All the doctor said was why
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
