1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
