You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
