i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
