I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
