Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
