We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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