It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
