Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
from now on my penis is your penis
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
