I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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