It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
