dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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