I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
