part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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