I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
