dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
