If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
