I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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