Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
