you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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