You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
