we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When are your genitals available?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
