Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
