MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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