ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
