remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
