Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
