does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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