so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
