I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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