I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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