Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My life is pants optional.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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