Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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