Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
