O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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