I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
4 words: hood of his car
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
